ToT

Have you try to force yourself to be someone you are not and then you are satisfied just for a moment temporarily, only, when you get approval and compliment from people around you?
Have you been feeling that you do not belong here?
Have you try to force yourself not to tell someone you love how you feel?
Did you ever feel numb of the worldly things around you? I mean, even if the greatest thing ever happen to you or come into your life, you just feel nothing about it cause you knew this is still not your world and you pretended it is, just like any other human, have created a name for it, they called it emo.
You couldn't smile to the one you love.
You couldn't tell people who you are.
You couldn't express what you want.
You couldn't build your dream.
You couldn't go somewhere you want.
For these eighteen years, I wonder if I ever had a happiness that feels, seems real to me.
For these eighteen years, I couldn't find out which smile is deceitful, which tears can make people understand me better, it's just I'm jealous, yes, I am, you people don't have to cover yourself up, you live for yourself, but I, I live under the eyes of thee.
Writing craps like these isn't help, forcing myself to be busy with studies isn't help, try not to say something isn't help, having everything inside my heart isn't help,hating people isn't help, be proud isn't help...no one can help, nothing can help and don't tell me, "Only you can help yourself."
Well, you had a great life, you are agreed by people. But less struggle in the world do decrease the important of your existence here.