Another Little Prince

While people teasing others using the familiar symbol, 'OKU', I have but to write 'ORANG KURANG UPAYA' at the detail columns of my two brothers on every application form.

My first brother, David was as normal as I could remember. We had grown up together. Planting green peas, rearing koi, watching Power Puff Girls, playing SUPER MARIO BROS, having fight, visiting Taiping Zoo, ruling neighborhood playground, everything we did it together. We even created our own language that the parents couldn't understand when we talked. He was a fine boy until he was 9/10.

I was always isolated from him since and stayed with grandmother, away from my family. I was not sure when is the illness started to seek and seize him.

It was a psychological illness and began to deteriorate as nobody knows it and gets treatment for it.

All I know, he began to be different, locking himself in room, full of anger, being sensitive, easily to pick up fight and his results in school rapidly worsened. I was angry too and couldn't help but screwing up things when mentoring him on homework.

He started to talk to a tree at school when he was in standard 3. It wasn't an illness anyway, I clearly understand he was just expressing his dissatisfied feeling with the school and everything else to a tree. It's normal when everyone is too busy to be his listener. I hated that I was too young at that time, childish and non-supportive. Even if parents did mention his condition, I wouldn't understand but giving sarcastic comments. But they didn't, they even solved it in an irrational ways, as people that hadn't know Christ, my brother was brought to some idolatry place as they thought it would be something to do with 'dirty' thing.

So, as we all know, things only get bad. Only after he graduated from primary school, he told us that he had been bullied by his classmates and even his inhumane teacher at school since standard 4. Imagine the nightmare he had to face every single day in those three years when five days in a week, he was like in a hell. I couldn't imagine and think why on Earth there would be such human? Truly, I totally don't know what happened actually and all I see is a troubled and sick boy. I often asked myself, as a elder sister at standard six, why on Earth I never walked to my brother's classroom and asked if he was fine. Never once. And he skipped secondary school when his results was able to bring him straight to Form One as for the first day, he encountered those familiar faces who warned him not to come the next day. If he had insisted to go to school or if I had heart to help him finding another solution, if all those upset things never happened, if my parents were able to stop what were bad, he would have facing SPM now and waiting happily for his final year.

Many family might feel embarrassed to tell people but I was not ashamed to have people known I had such brothers. I couldn't describe my feeling for David, not sympathy, not angry, not hatred, not sadness and not ashamed. Neither to say their conditions gave me any life lesson. Only I know, ever since, my point of view on 'OKU' would be different and whenever I met one, I would respect them as much as possible and lend my help at any time. I wouldn't use the three letters as a joke even my brothers might not be one of them.

Not forget to mention, due to David's condition, my whole family were brought to Christ. His conditions isn't stable. But I must always thank God for strengthening my parents' faith. I couldn't tell the feeling of parents for finding their child to be abnormal halfway of their raising. Was it a disappointment or a feel of their failure for not grabbing chance to communicate with the little boy? And how should they encourage him for the rest of his life, seeing him still unconscious of what happening outside? Medicine killed his sense when doctor was not even sure of what the illness he's having and 'OKU' is the best explanation for now. By the way, settling him in a more suitable place needs an amount of money too. All these stress can only be overcame by prayer, by love of God and nothing else.

I always used David and Andrew as my career aspiration in any interview. To be a doctor and to show more care. But question is, are they the truth? Am I honest to myself? I was still unsure. Christ makes me know I wasn't related to 'unfair world' and 'blaming who' anymore.

It's been years, our whole family didn't show up together in mall or social occasion. There must be miss of certain family member as we couldn't make it. I wanted to bring David to mall, to place teenagers flooded, to where he belongs to for his age. But I realized this couldn't be done and shouldn't be forced. He is aware of his own problem and choosing to stay away. Sometimes he would ask, 'Why would I have this illness?' I know mother is holding back her tears and I felt as if a needle is poking my heart. Father is optimistic and knew David is happy making friends in Eden, with people that wouldn't make him awkward and worst, attacking him.

The medicine is certainly a bad idea that we must use and it's controlling his body. He felt dizzy and uncomfortable. As such, he often couldn't sit calmly at church when Pastor is talking. All he could do is holding firm the Bible on his hands.

David is a mystery and only God understands him and only God knows what is happening. All we could do is by praying for him and tolerating with his behavior. Mistakes if we came to the world merely to judge and demand.

I think he never knows I blogged him here. Hopefully to those who read this, those who have the same problem can try to know Jesus Christ as He is a loving God and supporting my family all the time. You couldn't imagine what He could do in you.

Call to me, and I will answer you-Jeremiah 33:3

Do not fear any of those things which you are about to suffer...Be faithful until death, and I will give you the crown of life.-Revelation 2:10